


Hold Out Your Hand When I Start to Break

by terramous



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Uhh? Luke thinks abt dying so just look out for that, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-02
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:20:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26763493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/terramous/pseuds/terramous
Summary: Julie was so young, so bright, so alive. She wasn’t supposed to get hurt, not like this.She was supposed to trip and scrape her knees or get a papercut flipping through sheet music. Not this. Anything but this.👻Luke learns the hard way how much Julie means to him and in the process realises he's not as okay as he thought he was
Relationships: Alex & Julie Molina & Luke Patterson & Reggie, Julie Molina/Luke Patterson
Comments: 28
Kudos: 555





	Hold Out Your Hand When I Start to Break

**Author's Note:**

> me, when i had the idea to hurt luke: :-D  
> me the second i realised it meant hurting julie: D-:
> 
> i don't really know what this fic is, or how it happened, but here it is !!

Luke sees the car before Julie does. The only thing he’s thinking is Julie, Julie, _Julie_ as he dives for her, hoping, praying that he’s got enough notice to be solid and knock her out of the way. 

And he’s lucky. 

He collides and they spin in a tangle of limbs, stumbling and staggering. He doesn’t feel the impact, the front of the car slicing through him like the air he was as a cruel reminder that no, he couldn’t shield Julie from everything. His arms burn from where Julie was ripped from them. 

It was over before Luke could blink. Quite literally. He moved towards Julie without even thinking, drawn to her like opposite charges, chasing her presence as he took in the scene. 

The car had come to a complete stop, a lamppost buried in its hood, tilted precariously over the car. Luke could see the driver slumped over at the wheel but his only concern was Julie.

Julie.

He was supposed to protect her, love her, care for her. He was already dead, it didn’t matter what happened to him now, all this time with Julie was just extra. To everyone other than the band and Flynn, he was a seventeen-year-old wanna-be rockstar who ran away from home and died before he even had the chance to live. 

But Julie was so young, so bright, so alive. She wasn’t supposed to get hurt, not like this. 

She was supposed to trip and scrape her knees or get a papercut flipping through sheet music. Not this. Anything but this. 

Luke’s feet moved on their own, pulled towards Julie. He wanted to squeeze his eyes shut and poof away, he didn’t want to face reality. 

“Luke,” Julie whined, and the sound cut Luke to his core. He was on his knees next to her in seconds. Everything about him was frantic, he was trying to find somewhere he could touch her and provide her with the physical confirmation that he was there and he wasn’t going to leave. All his thoughts of moving were halted by the scratches littering Julie’s skin. 

Most of them were shallow with little strings of scarlet beads, but Luke couldn’t risk hurting her. Just the idea of Julie being in pain left Luke with a bad taste in his mouth, he couldn’t even begin to process her actually being hurt. 

Luke would sacrifice everything in a heartbeat if it meant Julie never had to feel pain ever again.

Then he saw the cut on her arm. There was a lot of blood oozing from the wound that was maybe a few inches long above the crook of her elbow. She must’ve caught it on something when the car hit her. _The car hit her._ He was going to be sick. Could ghosts even throw up? He was about to find out.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Luke knew that he needed to put pressure on the wound. He wasn’t sure where he had learnt that, considering he never once even considered taking a first aid course while he was alive. He was beginning to regret that decision.

He’d been getting so much better at touching Julie lately, usually it comes to him just as naturally as his fingers on his guitar. To Luke’s abject horror, his hands pass straight through. 

Just focus. He tells himself. But as many times as he repeats the words in his mind, he just can’t seem to, his head is a whirlwind and he can’t think straight. Usually when he’s touching Julie, he’s soaking up the feeling of her hair against his fingertips as he brushes it out of her face or the warmth of her hand in his. Touching Julie was a gift and when it became a cruel necessity, he didn’t have the luxury in relishing in the contact, fuck, he didn’t even have the contact. 

Again and again, he tried to touch Julie, her hands, her arms, her face, her _wound,_ nothing worked. It was like before their performance at the Orpheum, when he could just walk straight through her as if he were nothing. Isn’t it funny how Luke felt like he was going to throw up even though he didn’t have a stomach? 

Julie was crying. She must be in so much pain. The girl he loved was hurt and there was nothing he could do about it. 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” he repeated like a mantra, choking back tears of his own.

“Luke,” Julie said, her eyes flicking around frantically until Luke surged forward to lean over her.

“I’m here, I’m not going anywhere,” he promised, and he’d never break a promise he made to Julie. As long as she wanted him, he’d never leave her side.

The sound of the sirens made Luke’s non-existent heart seize in his chest.

“It’s okay, it’s gonna be okay, they’re gonna take care of you,” Luke promised, trying to offer Julie at least a little comfort. He remembered how scared he had been when the paramedics arrived after the hotdogs. He had known they were there to help but he wanted nothing more than to curl up in a ball and wake up to find that it had all just been a dream.

He was too caught up in his worry and fear to even mind when the paramedics passed through him. Sure, it felt weird and made Luke’s skin crawl, but that was the least of his concerns. All that mattered to him was staying close to Julie when she needed him.

He wasn’t going to let her go through this alone. 

Alone was the worst way to be when you were hurt and scared. Luke would know. There was no one holding his hand and telling him it was going to be okay when he died, all he had was a couple of strangers trying to keep him calm while he felt death clinging to his skin. 

“Hey, sweetie. Can you tell me your name?” one of the paramedics asked. 

Luke forced himself to screw his eyes shut, willing the image out of his head. Sitting on the ground in the damp alleyway, sweat sticking his clothes to his skin and dripping off of his face, _“Luke,”_ he had said around pained breaths. Reggie had been tucked into his side, panting heavily against his neck as Luke promised him again and again that they were going to be okay.

“Julie Molina.”

“Alright, Julie, can you tell me what happened?” the paramedic closest to Julie’s head asked. She was definitely the younger one on the team, and regarded Julie with kind eyes. 

“There was a car, I think? It all happened really fast.”

Luke’s chest ached. This wasn’t supposed to be how their “date” played out. They were on their way to get ice cream before a movie. Julie had been so excited to see it, now the tickets were heavy in Luke’s back pocket. 

The paramedic shone a light in Julie’s eyes. “Do you know what day it is?”

“Sunday. I have school tomorrow.”

With practiced skill, the paramedic slipped a yellow collar around Julie’s neck. Luke might not know a lot of things, but he knew that was in case of a spinal injury and it sent his thoughts swan diving off the deep end. Words like paralysis stuck to the forefront of his mind like gum in his hair and as much as he tried to scrape it from his brain, it wouldn’t budge. 

“What’s your favourite subject at school?”

“Music,” Julie answered simply and with certainty. That was one of so many things Luke loved about Julie, she was so sure of herself and proud of who she was. 

“What do you play?”

“I play piano and sing in a band.”

“And you do it so _so_ well,” Luke said, reaching over to brush Julie’s hair out of her face even though he knew his hand would pass through, it was about the gesture and not the result. “You’re doing great. I’m so proud of you.”

“You’ll have to save me a ticket for your next gig.”

“We’re Julie and the Phantoms,” Julie said.

“Tell your friends,” Luke whispered, the deep ache of anxiety in his chest easing a little when Julie cracked a smile.

The paramedic nodded “I’ll be sure to keep an eye out.”

“We’re pretty good.”

“Then I definitely have to see it live.”

The ambulance was a whole new wave of memories, emotions that were so strong they could’ve knocked him off of his feet. It felt like a punch to the gut, the worst night of his life slamming into him with a vengeance. 

Now he knew how Alex felt every time his anxiety got the better of him, how he felt like he was suffocating even though he didn’t need to breathe, like the walls were caving in and oxygen was growing thin.

_He could remember the ambulance they died in so vividly that he might as well be there right now. He could smell whatever they had wiped the surfaces down with, it burned his nose and made him nauseous in that human way where his insides twisted and cramped. He had the urge to peel his layers off, suddenly reminded of the sickening amount of sweat, he felt like he was swimming in his clothes._

_He and Alex clung to each other as soon as they were settled into the ambulance. Usually Alex tried to avoid being too affectionate with Luke, still feeling weird about their previous relationship even though the parting was amicable and mutual. But he would seek out others whenever he was upset or ill, and they were all feeling a whirlwind of both right now._

_Luke had the growing suspicion that they weren’t going to make it to their performance in time, and he was right._

_Reggie went first._

_Luke didn’t notice until Alex let out a guttural whine, like that of a wounded animal. His hands were fisted in Luke’s shirt, desperately pulling on the fabric._

_“Are you okay?” Luke started, turning to Alex with a fresh wave of anxiety._

_Alex gasped and let out another whine, this time sounding far too much like “Reggie” to ease Luke’s mind. He looked up in time to see Reggie pitch forward bonelessly as the paramedic tried to ease him onto his side, feeling under his jaw for a pulse. There was something about Luke’s current condition that didn’t allow him to fully process what he was seeing. Somewhere deep in his mind, he knew, but he didn’t have anything left in him to react._

_Unfortunately for Alex, he had enough energy to scream. All Luke could offer him was a tighter embrace as he pressed Alex’s face into his shoulder. He didn’t need to see this. Neither of them did, but saving Alex the sight was the least Luke could do. He barely even registered what he was seeing, but he knew what it meant._

Luke resigned himself to sitting on the very edge of the stretcher by Julie’s feet. He knew he needed to be there with her and stay strong for her, but he still felt the urge to just poof out. He was choking on the memories, but he could take it. 

He could do anything for Julie.

He had to look away when they gave Julie a drip. Despite everything going on, Luke was learning a lot about being a ghost. Like how he could still get nauseous and light-headed despite literally being dead. He wasn’t a fan of needles in the slightest.

“I hope you’re not gonna pass out on me, Patterson,” Julie said through grit teeth, clearly noticing the way he swayed and also forgetting that she wasn’t supposed to talk to him around other lifers.

Luke was a little startled and moved to kneel next to Julie. Being closer to her helped him to breathe easier. “No, I’m- I’m fine.” 

And then the ambulance rolled over a pothole, jostling Julie so much that it ripped a groan from her lips. It killed Luke to not be able to help when she was in so much pain. At this point, it felt like he’d been hit by the car too.

“I want my mom,” Julie whimpered, reaching for Luke even though her fingers passed right through him.

_Alex had said the same thing the night they died._

_His relationship with his parents was probably the rockiest out of the whole band but Luke couldn’t blame him. He remembered visiting Alex when he was sick, before he came out to his parents, the way his mother had doted on him with so much love and care it was gag-worthy. Despite how much his father had yelled, the way his mother’s kindness disappeared cut Alex way deeper._

_They had spent many nights on the floor of the studio, Alex crying in Luke’s arms about how he regretted ruining everything he had with his parents. Luke could try and comfort Alex with his words about being true to himself and having pride, but despite everything, Alex was a sixteen-year-old kid who needed his parents._

_Even if Alex didn’t feel half as bad as Luke did, wanting the comfort of his mother after Reggie- Luke wanted to run home crying into his mother’s arms too. And now he’d never get the chance to so much as apologise, like he was going to after they performed at the Orpheum, so he could prove that his dream was worth chasing._

“I know, I know.” Luke wished so desperately that he could do more. He couldn’t do anything when Reggie and Alex died, and he would always regret that. Even though they all ate the street dogs, he felt some kind of responsibility, that he had robbed his friends- _his family_ of the rest of their lives. 

_“I say we fuel up before the show, I’m thinking street dogs,”_ he had said. Such a stupid and casual decision, none of them knew it’d be the last one they’d make. “They’re gonna call your dad and then you’ll be able to go home and we’ll all take care of you, okay? Everything’s gonna be fine.”

_“It’s okay, I’ve got you,” he said, wrapping his arm tighter around Alex. He could feel the rapid rise and fall of Alex’s chest and the laboured breaths against his skin, at this point, Luke couldn’t tell who was shaking, his friend didn’t say anything but eagerly sunk into the contact. Alex was usually pretty quiet, but there wasn’t anything Luke wouldn’t give to hear a familiar snarky remark._

_If Alex wasn’t already leaning his entire body against Luke, he would’ve toppled under the boneless weight when Alex’s breaths ceased._

_Luke leant his head against Alex’s, he could finally close his eyes and relax knowing that he wasn’t leaving his best friends behind scared and alone._

👻

“No way! Ray and Carlos liked the French dip, and I trust them!” Reggie objected, standing on the back of the couch as if that made whatever he said the utmost truth.

Alex shrugged, not paying Reggie too much attention. “I don’t get why anyone would willingly eat soggy bread.”

“That’s a lie, street dogs were pretty much always soggy.”

“I like to think we’ve learned since the street dogs, Reg,” Alex sighed.

“They were good!”

“We died, Reggie. Street dogs are not worth the death.”

Ray muted the TV as his phone rang, picking it up with curiously drawn eyebrows and pressing it to his ear. 

“Hello, Ray Molina speaking. Who is this?” 

Reggie slowly slinked down off the back of the couch as the two of them watch Ray’s expression fall from confused, to anxious, to afraid. 

“Thank you, I’ll be there soon,” Ray said as he lowered his phone. The colour had completely drained from his face. His hands were shaking rather violently as he pressed a few things on the screen.

“Ray?” Reggie asked, his voice small and soft even though Ray couldn’t hear him. No one ever gave Reggie enough credit. Sure, he tended to talk before he thought and not be the best at keeping up, but he always knew when someone needed comfort and reassuring words over his usual jokes. Most of the time, Alex even preferred to be around Reggie as opposed to Luke when he was having a bad day. He had a softer touch when it came to other people’s emotions.

Ray let out a heavy sigh, talking into his phone again. “Hi, Victoria. Julie’s in the hospital, I- I need you to pick Carlos up from practice.”

Reggie and Alex shared a wide-eyed look, their minds reeling with that information. What was definitely clear was that it wasn’t good news.

It took only a few seconds for Reggie to move closer to Alex and start rubbing his shoulder. It was a gesture he had taken note of while they were still alive. Although Alex tended to shy away from everyone as soon as his anxiety set in, the simple contact Reggie offered helped to keep him grounded and made his head just a little more clear. “Luke’s with her. He’d never leave her side, she’ll be okay.”

“Yeah, there was um-” Ray was already headed towards the door, running his free hand through his hair. “They didn’t say much but a car hit her.” Ray paused, making a noise that Alex immediately recognised as choking back tears. “They hit my baby.”

Ray was still on the phone as he stepped out the front door. Reggie’s eyes followed his father-figure but he stayed next to Alex, taking the drummer’s shaking hands in his own. 

“We’re gonna take a little walk, okay? Just to clear our heads and calm down. Then we’ll meet them at the hospital,” Reggie said, helping Alex up from the couch with watchful eyes. Alex didn’t miss the fact that Reggie was just doing this for his sake, but he appreciated it. While his mind was racing, he could count on Reggie to be there and tether him. 

Just before they passed through the front door, Reggie leant over and locked it. Ray had forgotten to but neither of them could really blame him. 

👻

Julie peered at Luke curiously. She was sitting up in the hospital bed as they waited for Ray to come and pick her up. Luke had stayed with her through the entire process and made terrible small-talk through a few x-rays and scans. Only to fall silent sitting at the other end of the bed. There was something about seeing Julie in a hospital gown that was tripping Luke out.

There was a reminder pressing in the back of his head of when he was eleven and fell out of a tree while climbing it with Alex, and broke his collarbone. He’d worn one then, his arm nestled in a sling as the other one pitifully trying to eat a jello cup. Eventually, his mother relented and helped him. It was a fond memory he had of her, one of many. 

Then there was also the time Reggie had appendicitis and went to the hospital. They were fifteen, and Alex spent the night at Luke’s house, crying and panicking about Reggie, so certain that their friend was going to die. Luke spent that night with his arms around Alex, and talking to him until he fell asleep, or more accurately, finally collapsed from exhaustion. 

Or when Alex had a panic attack in the school bathroom, fainted, and cracked his head open on the sink. Luke had been the one sick with anxiety that time, holding Alex’s hand while he slept. The doctors even let him stay by Alex’s side for the night seeing as neither of his parents had come to take him home. It’d only been a week since they kicked him out, but Luke expected them to care at least a little bit about their son. Sixteen and forsaken by those who were meant to love him the most. Regardless, Luke never left Alex’s side, nervously anticipating whenever nurses stopped by every few hours to rouse Alex and make sure his concussion wasn’t getting worse. 

With seven staples in his scalp and a ride back to the Patterson residence, courtesy of one Mitch Patterson who didn’t start work until the afternoon that day, Alex spent three weeks sleeping in Luke’s bed, despite his protests. By the end of those three weeks, Alex and Luke went to band practices with their fingers laced together. 

He couldn’t seem to pull his mind back from the memories of dying that resurfaced earlier, he’d had twenty-six years to bury them but he’d never really taken the time to process them. 

And thus, Luke hadn’t said a word in about half an hour, he continued to stare fixated at his palms facing up in his lap. He flexed his fingers slowly and tried to will the sound of sirens and Alex screaming out of his head.

“Julie! Are you okay?” The sudden outburst startled Luke and he jolted in place. He would know that voice anywhere and judging by how Julie perked up with a wide smile, there was no doubt in his mind that Reggie had finally joined the party, undoubtedly with Alex in tow. 

“I’m okay. I’m not going to die of hotdogs any time soon like some weird band from the 90s did.”

Luke tensed. He was trying not to think about dying, but at this point it was such a casual thing to drop into conversation that he didn’t know what he expected.

“I sure hope not,” Alex chipped in. “I wouldn’t recommend it.”

“I’m fine, the doctor ordered rest, and I am not opposed to that. But we won’t be able to practice for a while, concussion rules and all that.”

“That’s okay. As long as you’re safe, nothing else matters,” Alex said, walking past Luke to stand next to Julie. He extended a hand to ruffle her hair, easily disrupting her curls.

Luke stayed silent, but he was a fool if he expected neither of his brothers to pick up on his mood. Alex spared him a worried glance and Reggie gravitated towards him as naturally as if he didn’t have any reason to. There was an arm around his shoulders, Reggie gently tracing spirals along Luke’s sleeve. 

It was a small gesture, but not one Luke wasn’t thankful for. Reggie knew he needed that little reminder that he wasn’t alone drowning in his thoughts and suffocating on the memories. He wondered what he had done to deserve such a perfect family, even in the afterlife.

Luke pretended not to hear Alex whispering to Julie. “Is he okay, did something happen?”

“I’m not sure. He was fine until not long ago.”

Leaning against Reggie ever so slightly, Luke wished he could be strong all the time. It’s what his friends deserved from him, but today had just been too much. Shutting down was better than falling apart.

Reggie and Alex seemed satisfied with Julie’s claims of being okay, even though Luke couldn’t convince them of the same. As much as he wanted to thank Reggie for holding onto him when he was so sure he’d crumble otherwise, his tongue was like a lead weight in his mouth. Reggie didn’t once shift away from Luke, being a constant grounding presence, and Alex routinely looked at him with an expression saturated in concern. 

Just as Alex was definitely about to ask Luke if he was okay, Ray entered the space, ducking through the curtain and making a beeline for his daughter. 

He immediately cupped Julie’s face in his hands, Luke didn’t even have to look up to know that he was scanning Julie for any and all signs of injury. Luke could picture them so clearly, the scratches littered over her face and arms, the scrapes on her palms and the hefty white bandage wrapped around her arm just above her elbow. 

“Dad, I’m fine,” Julie reassured him, reaching up to wrap her hands around his wrists. Her eyes were wide and truthful as she spoke. “My head hurts and I need a nap, but I’ll be as good as new in no time. I just really want to go home.”

“Of course, sweetheart. I’ll sort out the discharge papers and then we can get you home. Will you be okay by yourself?” 

Julie laughed a little, “I’ll be fine.” 

“We’re never alone, ‘cause we always have each other,” Reggie chirped. He followed Ray as the older man departed. 

Reggie’s attachment to Ray was endearing and Luke loved to see how happy having a father figure made Reggie, even if their relationship was not something Ray was aware of.

He suddenly felt very exposed, but Alex quickly slotted himself by Luke’s side, running his hand through his brother’s hair. 

It was equally soothing for both of them, when Alex was nervous he needed to keep his hands busy, which led to many interesting hairstyles when they were alive and Luke went too long between haircuts. Lately, Willie had even been seen sporting braids and a love-soaked grin after he and Alex spent time together. 

“Thank you,” Luke murmured, his voice probably getting lost the second the words left his mouth. Alex would never ask for anything in return for simply being there to support the people he loved.

👻

Luke pulled his knees close to his chest, tilting his head back until it hit the wall with a soft thud. 

After the day he’d had, the sound of Julie’s soft snores was like music to his ears. 

As soon as they got home, Julie climbed into her bed and pretty much told everyone to leave her alone. Which was completely understandable, her head was certainly killing her and there’s nothing better than a nap when you feel terrible.

Luke knew that Julie hated it when the band was in her room, but he couldn’t bring himself to leave her side, and she hadn’t told him to leave. 

It reminded him of being sixteen with his crush sleeping in his bed. He’d spent countless near-sleepless nights sitting against the bed and listening to Alex breathe, a constant reminder that he was safe and Luke hadn’t lost him. It took Luke until halfway through the second week to stop nudging Alex throughout the night to make sure that he would wake up. Even when the doctor said it wasn’t a concern anymore, Luke couldn’t calm his worry without checking for himself.

When Reggie and Alex had tried to get Luke to come down to the studio, Luke had managed to close the door behind him before the anxiety overwhelmed him, clawing its way up his throat and restricting his chest. He had been allowed to stay by Julie’s side after that. 

He couldn’t fathom the idea of not being there. Somehow he felt that if anything were to happen and he wasn’t there, that it would be his fault. How would he be able to go on with his afterlife if anything happened to Julie and he wasn’t there to protect her? He’d already failed once, he couldn’t do it again. 

Ray came in regularly to rouse Julie and make sure she was okay. Luke would be eternally grateful, even though Ray wasn’t doing it for him. They had a weird kinship, he and Ray, they were just two guys whose worlds would fall apart if anything happened to Julie.

“Why are you still here?” Julie asked, her voice thick and slurred from sleep. But there was no judgement in her tone, only curiosity. 

Luke swallowed his pride enough to force the truth out. After everything, Julie didn’t need him to lie to her. “I’m scared.”

“Come here,” she said, rolling to the other side of the bed and patting the space next to her. “Lie down with me.”

“I can’t-” Luke objected, only to be cut off. Even half-asleep, he was putty in Julie’s hands.

“That wasn’t a suggestion.”

Reluctantly, Luke climbed onto the bed and lay down, resting his head against the pillow as he looked across at Julie. He couldn’t make out many details in the dark, but the moonlight that filtered in through a gap in the curtains was enough for him to tell that she was looking at him too. “What if I hurt you?”

“You’re air. And if you weren’t, I would just kick you until you fell on the floor.”

**Author's Note:**

> title from: dayseeker - starving to be empty
> 
> tumblr


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